(sung to the tune of Fidelity Fiduciary Bank, from the musical Mary Poppins)
If you donate your tuppence
Wisely to the church
Safe and sound
Soon that tuppence
Safe within the ELCA
And you’ll achieve a sense of justice
As your piety expands
When Higgens Road and its directors
Give in – to special int’rest groups’ demands
You see, members, you’ll be part of
Dissing the church in Africa
(They’re homophobes, you know!)
Two millenia of Christendom’s
Theology must to go!
Millions given for bogus studies
Toward a pre-determined goal!
…Ordination for non-celibate gays!
All from tuppence, prudently
Fruitfully, frugally donated
to the, to be specific,
to the publicly accountable,
same-gender Luth’ran Church
When you give tuppence to the ELCA-church
Soon you’ll see
Leftist causes successfully promoted
At church-wide assemblies.
And you’ll achieve that sense of stature
As your arrogance expands
To the high ecclesial strata
That our ELCA-church commands
You can buy our health insurance
That’ll cover abortions!
Ageism! Feminism! Racism! Sexism!
It’s Victomhood that sells!
All manner of social activism!
Global Warming! End of Life!
Secularize the Church!
You see, members,
Tuppence, patiently, cautiously trustingly donated
To the, to be specific,
To the publicly accountable
Same-gender Luth’ran Church
By "Snuggarunt," found in the comments section of this article.